Gah! MIL driving me crazy!
Aug. 7th, 2013 07:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dancingsingingMy mother in law, B, is visiting for a few days while Spouse is out of town. I had been totally looking forward to it because I generally really enjoy her when our husbands aren't around. And to be fair, most of this visit has been pretty nice.
But! I told her that we were going to be going to Hawaii in a few weeks and her response was, "Oh, well I won't tell D (her husband) that or it'll really hurt his feelings." According to her, D often complains that we go everywhere else but only visit them once a year. As far as I can tell from indirect comments of his and other garbled communications via B, he's more angry/judgey and more upset on B's behalf about our neglect than actually hurt. (This dude married in about ten years ago, so we know him, but he didn't, like, raise Spouse or anything.) From my experience with D, he seems to judge people recreationally and without much thought and certainly without empathy. So, if I were a purely rational being (I love you, Spock!) I would not be bothered in the least by this.
But, alas, I have feelings. Angry, frustrated feelings! Gah!
At least when B said, "He thinks it's because you don't like him," instead of my usual reassurances to the contrary, I said, "Well, I don't dislike D. But you know, he's not the easiest person to get along with." I was proud of that.
Then when she tried to lay all the responsibility for accord between us at my feet (you, know, because of me having a vagina), saying, "He just teases you more because you take everything so seriously," I said, "Relationships are a two way street and I've been working really hard at it. I'm sure he has too, or maybe not." I was proud of that, too. Also proud to have excercised restraint and not shouted something using the c-word and how me having one doesn't make me responsible for all this shit.
Also, why is she not having this conversation with her own fucking son???! Gah!!!!
ETA: Of course, the whole thing mostly gets to me because I can sympathize. I hate to imagine myself in forty years, with my kids being only willing to visit annually and me being limited in my travel because of money and my spouse's health. Maybe I should be visiting my mom and MIL and lavishing love on them just to model for my children that that's what one does for moms when one is an adult.
But! I told her that we were going to be going to Hawaii in a few weeks and her response was, "Oh, well I won't tell D (her husband) that or it'll really hurt his feelings." According to her, D often complains that we go everywhere else but only visit them once a year. As far as I can tell from indirect comments of his and other garbled communications via B, he's more angry/judgey and more upset on B's behalf about our neglect than actually hurt. (This dude married in about ten years ago, so we know him, but he didn't, like, raise Spouse or anything.) From my experience with D, he seems to judge people recreationally and without much thought and certainly without empathy. So, if I were a purely rational being (I love you, Spock!) I would not be bothered in the least by this.
But, alas, I have feelings. Angry, frustrated feelings! Gah!
At least when B said, "He thinks it's because you don't like him," instead of my usual reassurances to the contrary, I said, "Well, I don't dislike D. But you know, he's not the easiest person to get along with." I was proud of that.
Then when she tried to lay all the responsibility for accord between us at my feet (you, know, because of me having a vagina), saying, "He just teases you more because you take everything so seriously," I said, "Relationships are a two way street and I've been working really hard at it. I'm sure he has too, or maybe not." I was proud of that, too. Also proud to have excercised restraint and not shouted something using the c-word and how me having one doesn't make me responsible for all this shit.
Also, why is she not having this conversation with her own fucking son???! Gah!!!!
ETA: Of course, the whole thing mostly gets to me because I can sympathize. I hate to imagine myself in forty years, with my kids being only willing to visit annually and me being limited in my travel because of money and my spouse's health. Maybe I should be visiting my mom and MIL and lavishing love on them just to model for my children that that's what one does for moms when one is an adult.
