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dancingsingingI have worked so hard, these past few years, not to hate my disproportionately large belly. Like, it's the opposite of the caste-mark flat belly that almost every woman I know strives for. And, because it exists as a result of wacky blood-sugar related to PCOS, it always seemed extra horrible to me, to look pregnant for the very reason that I couldn't be pregnant!
But now, it's confusing! My tummy is already poking out a little more than before (I guess there's extra blood and stuff in there, even though Junior is still minuscule). I heard this happens with non-first pregnancies. Anyway, I'm like, delighted at the change, and at my shallower belly button. But I still feel all this horrible shame about it, because most of my belly is still fat, and some nasty internalized Food Puritain is telling me that my belly is absolutely Not Okay Yet, and that I'm ridiculous to like it because it's mostly just a result of my immoral sugar consumption. It's ludicrous and self-hating, but still kind of hard to get around.
Also, and maybe this is hormonal?, I just feel generally super ugly these days. Like, the new haircut I LOVED a month and a half ago now seems hateful to me, and I get uncomfortable around people because I feel terribly ugly. It's strange; I didn't think I was quite that shallow, but it's totally getting to me.
But now, it's confusing! My tummy is already poking out a little more than before (I guess there's extra blood and stuff in there, even though Junior is still minuscule). I heard this happens with non-first pregnancies. Anyway, I'm like, delighted at the change, and at my shallower belly button. But I still feel all this horrible shame about it, because most of my belly is still fat, and some nasty internalized Food Puritain is telling me that my belly is absolutely Not Okay Yet, and that I'm ridiculous to like it because it's mostly just a result of my immoral sugar consumption. It's ludicrous and self-hating, but still kind of hard to get around.
Also, and maybe this is hormonal?, I just feel generally super ugly these days. Like, the new haircut I LOVED a month and a half ago now seems hateful to me, and I get uncomfortable around people because I feel terribly ugly. It's strange; I didn't think I was quite that shallow, but it's totally getting to me.
no subject
Date: 2011-11-11 06:34 am (UTC)In my last trimester my belly button flattened out entirely. I thought it would pop out! But it didn't. I just had no navel for about a month. Freaky.