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dancingsingingSo I'm starting this medication which will cause pretty bad gastric distress if I eat carbs. (I took it before and boy did it.) This is cramping my fat activism style/endangering my precarious "I love my body and don't freak out about food" balance and it also presenting some logistical problems. If any of you have advice, I'd love to hear it.
About the not freaking out about food--have any of you ever managed to cut out a whole swath of food you like without setting up a nasty deprivation/temptation/binging cycle? If so, how did you do it? (I managed to go about five years during my adolescence and teens without letting fat or concentrated protein pass my lips except on weekends by focusing on all the things I could eat, but that whole lying to myself ("I love brown rice!" was ultimately rather self-harming and also I can't give myself weekends off this time.)
About the logistics--I have no idea what the fuck I'm going to eat! Like, cobb salads and chunks of meat with veggies are working for now, but I bet that's going to get old fast. Also, I have this weird experience where I eat a bunch of food and then am full and hungry at the same time. I'm going to have to experiment to see whether I can tolerate a moderate amount of whole grains or legumes eaten in conjunction with protein and fat (the gastric thing is related to the glycemic load) which will probably help a lot if I can do it. But I'm wondering if any of you have experience with something like a strict Atkins diet and can provide some practical advice for pulling it off without feeling all meated out and gross? I know I could probably google up some Atkins forums or whatever, but I really don't want to expose myself to a lot of fat-hating dieters, you know?
About the loving my body--I am a little worried that I will lose a little weight as a side effect and then get tracked into thoughts like "OMG, I will be so hot if I keep this up and then totally I could go bikini shopping next year and everyone will be so nice to me when I'm skinny!" It's just so fucking internalized and so easily triggered and I hate it because ultimately it makes me feel awful and actually ends up de-motivating me to continue the behaviors. But I don't know how to avoid it. I mean, I am amazingly good at lying to myself and being some gestapo-bitch to myself with the "that thought is wrong and you will be punished" stuff. But that doesn't so much serve me. Anyone got alternatives?
About the fat activism--l really love how good I feel when I wander around the water slide park in my jiggly, round-tummied self looking and feeling happy and like "this is what a human body looks like, people!" I love publically chobbling down on a big ol' mess of french fries that I'm totally digging. It's like, genuine, authentic actions are so much more powerful than words. And I'm bummed to let go of that. Thoughts?
If any of you have help or suggestions or even encouragement and understanding, I would so love to hear that.
About the not freaking out about food--have any of you ever managed to cut out a whole swath of food you like without setting up a nasty deprivation/temptation/binging cycle? If so, how did you do it? (I managed to go about five years during my adolescence and teens without letting fat or concentrated protein pass my lips except on weekends by focusing on all the things I could eat, but that whole lying to myself ("I love brown rice!" was ultimately rather self-harming and also I can't give myself weekends off this time.)
About the logistics--I have no idea what the fuck I'm going to eat! Like, cobb salads and chunks of meat with veggies are working for now, but I bet that's going to get old fast. Also, I have this weird experience where I eat a bunch of food and then am full and hungry at the same time. I'm going to have to experiment to see whether I can tolerate a moderate amount of whole grains or legumes eaten in conjunction with protein and fat (the gastric thing is related to the glycemic load) which will probably help a lot if I can do it. But I'm wondering if any of you have experience with something like a strict Atkins diet and can provide some practical advice for pulling it off without feeling all meated out and gross? I know I could probably google up some Atkins forums or whatever, but I really don't want to expose myself to a lot of fat-hating dieters, you know?
About the loving my body--I am a little worried that I will lose a little weight as a side effect and then get tracked into thoughts like "OMG, I will be so hot if I keep this up and then totally I could go bikini shopping next year and everyone will be so nice to me when I'm skinny!" It's just so fucking internalized and so easily triggered and I hate it because ultimately it makes me feel awful and actually ends up de-motivating me to continue the behaviors. But I don't know how to avoid it. I mean, I am amazingly good at lying to myself and being some gestapo-bitch to myself with the "that thought is wrong and you will be punished" stuff. But that doesn't so much serve me. Anyone got alternatives?
About the fat activism--l really love how good I feel when I wander around the water slide park in my jiggly, round-tummied self looking and feeling happy and like "this is what a human body looks like, people!" I love publically chobbling down on a big ol' mess of french fries that I'm totally digging. It's like, genuine, authentic actions are so much more powerful than words. And I'm bummed to let go of that. Thoughts?
If any of you have help or suggestions or even encouragement and understanding, I would so love to hear that.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-04 05:54 pm (UTC)I can regret it -- for example, if I (say) ate nothing but popcorn for lunch, I could notice that an hour later, I felt like shit, consider that probably these things were causally connected, wish I'd eaten something with more protein and fat instead, and resolve to bear this in mind in future.
But I'm not allowed to think of myself or the food as bad, or think that I've somehow sinned or been weak-willed by eating the "wrong" foods (and if I catch myself veering in that direction, it's a sign that I'm being obsessive in unhelpful ways and need to go reread some things by the Fat Nutritionist and remind myself that food has no moral value).
It's about positive hedonism, really: I don't want to eat foods that I know will make me feel sick, because I don't like feeling sick and it doesn't contribute to enjoyment of my food or my life.
Lately, I've found I'm even ditching the regret a lot of the time: if I ate popcorn for lunch, it must have seemed like a good idea at the time, maybe because I desperately needed fuel and there wasn't anything else available to buy, or because I really really wanted popcorn and thought it'd be worth the crash. And if it's the former, I'll make a mental note to stick a packet of almonds and other snacks in my bag so I don't get caught out like that in future, but otherwise not waste mental energy kicking myself about it.
It's not about "failure" or "lapsing" -- it's all data, about how my body responds to things and how various adaptations do or don't fit into my life.
ETA: Sorry for spamming your post, but as you can see, this is something I've had to think about a bit. *g*
no subject
Date: 2011-08-09 10:54 pm (UTC)